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Studies on marriage and divorce in the United
States report 41%–50% of first marriages end in divorce. While
separation and divorce are common, they are not “normal” experiences
for anyone, especially for children. In most cases children do not
want their parents to divorce. The sense of belonging to a family is
very important for young children. Not only do children derive
feelings of safety and security from the family unit, there are many
daily habits and ways of life they have become accustomed to and
don’t want changed. Young children often respond to the news of
divorce with great sadness and fear of what the future will hold.
While these emotional wounds can heal over time, mourning the loss
of an intact family and end to a way of life can leave a young
person struggling with emotions such as sadness, anger, and guilt,
which have been known to lead to stomachaches, headaches, eating and
sleeping disorders, depression, anxiety, aggressive behavior, social
and academic dysfunction, and other stress-related disorders.
While many mental health professionals believe
that divorce can be healthier to child development than a high
conflict marriage, a dissolving marriage can be a sad time for
everyone in the family. Typically children realize there are
difficulties in the relationship between their parents long before
the decision to divorce occurs. The best outcome for children is
when their parents continue to function in cooperation with one
another, transcending negative statements and behaviors.
Tips for showing support to a child coping
with a family divorce:
● Provide a
quiet place (without interruptions) for child to discuss and
experience
her/his
feelings
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Be a good listener
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Provide empathy
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Provide reassuring hugs
● Let them
know the divorce was not their fault
● Provide
stress-reducing opportunities such as creating an art project,
playing cards or
board games, and exercising
● Arrange for children to spend time playing with their friends
● Refrain from blaming and name-calling
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Keep habits and rituals as normal as possible
● Alert
necessary school personnel of the situation as they can be a source
of support for
the child while at school
●
Be patient
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